Traditionally, Christmas was to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  At least that’s what some people call him.  No matter how you look at it, he has the best birthday party in the world.  Because every bastard celebrates.

Although, I guess if I wanted to be all PC, U should name this entry, Holiday Season.  But I’m not PC, so I won’t do that.  So if you’re offended, Friday the 25th is a great day for you to be working, now get to it.

Anyway.  This silly celebration has it’s good things.  We hear about them every year.  Family, Presents, Food, blah blah blah.  What we don’t hear often is the shit that comes with such a holiday.

First off.  We have Christmas in November.  Yep, because December 1, 25 days out from the actual day, is not enough time for us to really be reminded that it’s Christmas.  So most of November, we see all the sparkling lights, decorations and dicks is costume.

Second.  Christmas rolls around, and ever bastard and his dog wants to travel.  If you’re on the roads, you take your life in your own hands.  Soon enough we will hear about the road tolls.  NSW is currently winning.  Or, if you want to score like golf, the ACT has it covered.  You also have dicks with caravans.

Then we have shopping.  Yep, on a regular day, who doesn’t like spending money.  On themselves!  The fact that we have to go out, and spend our hard earned on every other bastard doesn’t make sense.  This is essentially, someone birthday.  So why aren’t we buying Jesus a present.

I hear your answer.  He’s no longer with us.  Well, then that negates the need for presents does it not?  Anyway, what a dick, I got a laptop for cxmas early, so lets forget about not giving presents.

Lets look at the Xmas specials every bastard has in their store.  Why do all the specials seem to cost more than what they did two months ago when the exact same product was not on special?  Greeeed.  Jesus has caused a lot of greed.  But good on him.

Christmas trees.  Why, for the love of God, would any sane individual want a pine tree in their living room?  It makes no sense.  If pine trees were meant to be inside, they would have adapted to growing in carpet, or hardwood floors.

I also feel sorry for Energex.  One one end of the scale, everyone is getting up the power companies for their coal power plants causing this made up Global Warming.  Whinge whinge whinge, coal is killing the world.  But then they go and put 60,000 little coloured, electric bulbs all around their house, which not only consumes more power, it also proves very difficult for the neighbours to sleep at night.

I do feel for the family next door in the house without aircon, next to a fool with all his lights.  They can’t close the windows, otherwise it’s too hot, because Xmas in QLD, it’s stupid hot.  And they can’t open them, because of the penetrating light.  But in saying that, they do look pretty cool at times, I’m just saying, why?

Don’t get me started on Santa…

Anyway.  Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

a smelly, useless child of a bygone era that fostered in the loony liberalism that is currently eroding the United States of America to disasterous effect. Common attributes include: laziness, drug addiction, cowardice, a general lack of sanitary vigliance, Utopian ideals at the expense of logic and reason and a sort of general aimlessness that angers and perplexes hard working, patriotic realists to no end.
whats that smell? oh yah it’s that acid casualty hippie who Bill hired who never works, doesn’t bathe and worships Barrack Obama for no apparent reason.

I was fortunate enough to meet a couple of hippies today.  Actually, that should be unfortunate.  I don’t know who the hell bought them here, but I’ll give you one guess what type of vehicle they climbed out of.

Give up?  Here’s you clue.  It starts with CON.  And end with V.  Wow, lets embrace the stereotype hey.

But wait, there’s more.  They fucking stunk to high hell.  Now, picture me going for my regular 10k daily run.  Now picture me doing my 500 push ups after that run.  And then picture me rolling in my own filth.  The smell would not come anywhere near what these bastards smelt like.  I think they have actually burnt my nostrils.

Hang on.  I’m not done with stereotypes.  She was wearing a singlet, and she clearly hasn’t found a razor blade.  I’m glad she was wearing pants, oh jesus.

They weren’t wearing their faggy rainbow colours, but they were wearing green, had cargos on, and had one of those stupid yellow satchels.  I dunno what they’re made of, but they’re totally gay.

Anyway.  They needed to hire a car for a few days.  Fortunately, I don’t have any available, so this time, we escape having to turn one of our vehicles into a super gay hippie mobile.

They seemed a little bummed out about this, so I gave them options to other places where they might find a car.  Of course, I know there are not many cars available, but hey.  They’re hippies.  They love a challenge right?

As if my information wasn’t helpful enough, they then needed to know where they can make a purchase for an item that I unfortunately at this stage do not stock.  The description I think was the funniest thing.  Seriously, I’m a big boy, all growed up.  Why not just ask straight out, instead of:  ”Oh man, thanks for your help, you wouldn’t happen to know where we would go to get some pretty decent home grown relaxants from do you?”  Of course, this could still be many things.  How am I to know that they aren’t into Chinese Medicine, anyway, I played dumb and told them I didn’t know what the were talking about.   “You know.  Relaxants.  Use it, and some people get really happy and laugh, some pass out, but just really nice”.

Alright fuckwit, I know what you want.  And of course, there are many ways to get the shit, it’s not hard.  It’s almost as if you could put a sign up withthe shit on special and the cops wouldn’t do shit.

“Oh.  You mean weed yeah?  I have absolutely no idea, I know a few blokes hire cars and bugger off to Nimbin.  It’s also the pot capital on Aussie, so yeah.  Just ask anyone down there”

“Sweet man”  Then they ruined my day.  ”Peace Man *two fingers in air*”  The first thing I thought was, wow, Richard Nixon really used to look like a douche.  The second was how much I hate hippies and their stinky… ways.

Anyway.  I hope they have a blast, and don’t come back into my offer prior to showering again.

Great, we’ll get a bording pass, then go to the bag drop line. Wrong. Apparently by getting the pass, the only person who is winning is the douchebag behind the counter, who has now become so lazy she (or he for the lady men) can’t be assed printing boarding passes.

This clearly wasted time, as the 3 minutes I was standing at the queer little machine, I could have advanced a good 3 people in the long stupid holiday line.

So here be the end of my rant.

John Deaves was found out!  His caravan park neighbours caught on that he was the big fat old guy from 60 minutes that was nailing his own daughter, and even hads kids.

So they threatened him.

You know the typical no substance theats.  Kick his head in, shoot him, etc. etc.  You know, the stupid things hicks in van parks say because apparently they are awesome, or homeless.

So in the middle of the night, he left with his new lover.  Apparently she was shocked when she found out about his ex, but she accepts it.  Right, anyway.

So yeah, to end this one on a high note.  Incest is still shit.

I acknowledge the lack of a high note.

So my BlackBerry days started off about 12 months ago with the purchase of an 8700G, second hand on eBay, it was cheap, and the new business craze were these crazy little phones with QWERTY keyboards.

Why were they so popular, even with heaps of other full QWERTY phones on the market, the BlackBerry (BB) has taken the world by storm (In no way was this a pun).

From the 8700G, I upgraded to a 8310 Curve.  The Curve currently serves as my primary phone, and it’s taken some pretty harsh bumps in it’s time, so in the next couple of days, it’s off to the shop for repairs.

I have also recently taken ownership of a 9500 Storm.  The touch screen beauty as some may call it.  That’s one of my main work phones.  Bare in mind, I said one of.  For today we needed another work phone, and I bet you can guess the brand.  That’s right, today I took ownership of my third active BlackBerry device.  an 8110 Pearl.

So what other silly addictions have you had?  It’s certainly something to think over to yourself.

The Deaves family of South Australia are at it again, well, so it seems.  Maybe.  If you can’t be assed reading the above, you should, but here’s a rundown.

Daughter + Father + Sex = Two Children = Family Tree creators worst nightmare!

Jenny has broken up with her bisexual boyfriend, and is now living with her dad / ex again.  She has refused to state if she’s still attracted to him.

She loved him, and had sex with him, and gave birth to two of his grandchildren / children.  Chances are, she still loves him in that way.

They are currently on a 3 year good behaviour bond, as of course, incest is against Australian law.  Nothing of course will fix the ridicule that these poor children will have growing up.  I mean, it is a little bit fucked up that your grandfather is your father aswell.

Now old John is after a new fling.  He’s turned to Facebook to look for his new love.  He describes himself as “down to earth with a sense of humour (most of the time)” and “a wildlife carer”.

Down to Earth is not having sex with your daughter.  Having a sense of humour is not having sex with your daughter.  As for the wildlife carer.  Your dog of a daughter does not count.

His Facebook seems to be gone.  Or I’m not looking hard enough.

Anyway, I feel for the kids.  Not as much as John feels for his daughter though….

Vegitarians are idiots.  They don’t eat meat because of some stupid animal love.  What they seem to forget is the fact that humans are carnivores.  That is, we were made to eat meat.

We have always eaten meat.

One question that I have never had answered by a vegitarian.  Once the cattle can no longer be milked, and the bull is too old to make babies, what do we do with them all.  Once the chicken stops laying, it’s useless.  Once the fish… oh come on, it’s a fish.

That moves me onto the fact that some vegitarians eat white meat.  You fools, IT’S STILL MEAT!  Make up your mind, you’re just making yourself look dumb.

Anyway, back to where I was.  What do we do with the excess animals?  Do you see room?  No, they get killed.  Ever seen a cow killed for steak?

I can bet most vegos haven’t, well its very humane, they don’t feel a thing.

So what’s the problem with eating these tasty beasts?  Nothing!

Anyway, you still have to kill that poor plant, or did someone forget to tell you that plants are living too?

Anyway, check it.

Lady Next DoorShe was really nice, we liked her, and often had a chat on our balconies.  Now, our lawn was out of control, it looked horrible, and was very very tall.

Instead of speaking to us about it (she sees us more than once every day) she complained directly to the land lord.  Then she complained about two trees that she wanted pulled down.

So that’s fine, we got the lawn mowed, and then the trees.  The dodgy tree loppers not only took the ONE tree we were told was meant to be taken, they took a nice one from out the front too.  AND they entered our property without permission, and went under our house, and let one of our dogs out.

$130.00 pound fee later…

Angry Family with Swearing KidsNot only do they yell all day, the kids seem out of control.  Now I don’t mind about these guys, I just thought they needed a mention.

Party Lovers

These douchebags without fail have a party every Saturday.  But this isn’t just noise pollution, the music is EXCESSIVLY loud.  So fuck them, I called the cops cause I’m an asshole.

Good Neighbours

Our other neighbours are a family with two parents, and two kids, and they are quite possibly the BEST neighbours I have had in my life.  They always havea  chat when they see us.

When my dog got out, they looked after her for the day without question.  When it happened the next day, they did the same thing!

They have also offered, and told me that they are more than happy to dog sit anytime.

Why can’t all neighbours be like them, absolutely brilliant!

I thought it was proven that extreme temperatures, hot and cold (eg. ice age) were common since Earth was born? I was also under the understanding that scientists have no solid evidence to support that human interaction is the cause of global warming?

Facebook send more spam than any other company in the world. That’s a fact.

“Scientists have found that Facebook has exceeded the amount of emails sent in any one day, week and month, than any of the worlds biggest spammers.

Nashy Science and Research Centre made the discovery after a vampire apparently latched onto his leg.

Don’t worry though, his werewolf totally kicked it’s ass.

The Vampire is under lock and key in a hospital, and people have been said that he is catching up on his moview trivia, and reading random comments out of one of the 50000 Family Guy, Chuck Norris, and Simpsons quotes applications.

He has received many free gifts, however is quite annoyed that the free gift is always so fucking shit, and can’t see why you would pay to send a picture of an easter egg to someone.

His egg has hatched, and he was tagged in an album, his friend did something that he really doesn’t give a rats about, and he’s now changed his status to “I hate Facebook”"

The Deaves Family!

Ok, brief rundown for anyone under a rock long enough to miss this. Now, how I’m going to do this quick and easy…. it’s going to be tough.

Bloke 1 and Chick 1 have a baby. Girl 1.

Bloke 1 and Chick 1 devorce. Bloke 1 and Girl 1 don’t see each other.

Bloke 1 re-marries Chick 2.

Bloke 1 meets Girl 1 for the first time when she is 15, and takes her on a holiday without Chick 2.

Bloke 1 cheats on Chick 2 with Girl 1.

STOP!

Yes. You are reading correctly if you thought that The father fucked his daughter. Yes, its horrible, but it gets better.

They had a kid, the kid died, they had another kid named Celeste (rhymes with incest… baahahaha).

What the fuck is wrong with these people, this is probably the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in the news. It’s absolutely horrible.

Some seedy old bastard, knocked up his own daughter…. and she consented, because she saw him as a man, not her FATHER!

Then they go on national TV, and ask for understanding and respect! I can understand that they are fucked in the head, I cannot respect anyone that fucks their father / daughter, and has a relationship with eachother.

People like this need to be shot. Out.