It doesn’t seem to matter what happens in the world, if you do something nice, or something you are meant to do. You’re a hero. I’ll use the baby under a train story. If you haven’t read about it, Google it. It’s been everywhere in the news. Put hero after it to find the list of heroes who have been added to the world because of this event.

Now, I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. It’s absolutely amazing, and it’s great that the child survived, and was uninjured. But everyone in this story was a hero. When really, there are no heroes at all.

A hero is defined by dictionary.com as:

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
 2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal: He was a local hero when he saved the drowning child.
So let’s go through the people involved in the media.

Train Driver
Hitting the emergency brake when he noticed a crazed woman hanging off the platform in his path is not really heroic. If anything, he had a pretty good day at work, and did the right thing by the book to reduce injury to a crazy woman. Remember, he didn’t know about the baby at this moment.

18 Year Old
So he jumped off the platform down to the tracks to grab the kid. After the train was stopped. Sure, he was brave, because who knows what he was going to see under there. But he’s not a hero.

The Mother
I’m sure it’s easy to do. But how is the mother in all this a hero. Understandable that she was hardly calm and collected, but lets not forget who caused this. The mother. The mother took the brake of the pram. The mother looked away. And the mother removed her hands from the pram. Not a hero at all.

The lady who held the baby
She held a baby. How is she a hero? If anything, she wanted to hep, but really, was she needed?

The people who told the station master
Thanks for that, the first person who told him is enough. You’re not heroes.

The Station Master
He stood out the door. Probably blew his whistle, and probably had a fit about people on his tracks. Not a hero though.

Anyway. Since apparently they are all heroes, I though, maybe I should get onboard this trend. I would like to thank the following heroes:

Connex
Thank you for buying a train that was high off the ground. It certainly provided assistance in this situation. True heroes.
The Train Manufacturer
Thank you for building a train with so much distance between the ground and the train. We are in debt to you. Absolute heroes.
The Child
Thanks for being alright. You’re our little hero.
Me
I was here in QLD at the time, so I wasn’t in the way, and I certainly didn’t do anything stupid to make the situation worse. Fuck I’m a hero!

 Anyone else want to be a hero?